The Worst Party

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After a series of dimly recollected decisions that must have seemed reasonable at the time, the Worst Party found itself split into two smaller, worster parties, facing two different enemies. While Eunice, Oika, and Big Mama Felto contemplated the three or possibly six gargoyles that had intercepted them in the corridor (en route to collect a sack of poisonous gas to throw at some spiders, a plan bound for inevitable success), Makalbly Jane, Beffa, and Awnzo waited for them in the spider chamber.

When the gargoyles remained largely unharmed by Oika's swordplay, Big Mama's zither-playing, and whatever it is Eunice does, that half of the party decided to flee back to the spider room. It turns out that spiders (even spiders the size of a dog (but not a cow)) are easier to kill than three to six gargoyles.

Once most of the spiders were taken care of, Awnzo wizard-locked the reunited party in a chamber with no obvious exit, one traumatized and probably vengeful spider on the ceiling, and a rope that when pulled would presumably produce infinite spiders.

Fortunately, the Goat reminded Makalbly Jane to always check for secret doors, and a secret door was found. Behind it was a Genuine Secret Room of Genuine Secret Treasure!

The Treasury Heap contained:

* tens of thousands of coins of all denominations
  * occasional vague gems that resolved into more specific gems given enough pressure (on the DM)
  * a glowing sword of Celebration (which Big Mama took, after some discussion about how many swords even a Beffa could really carry)
  * 3 maces: all magic, one combat magic, another backstory magic, and the other unidentified

(At this point, someone who looked and sounded like Awnzo but could not possibly have been him asked "Whose treasure is this???")

In accordance with the usual doctrine, the Worst Party, having found the treasure, set about keeping it. Big Mama Felto loaded herself up with coins and gems and then loaded MJ up with additional coins when she wasn't looking. Eunice took some gems and then a nap.

The party, never eager to diverge from tried-and-true tactics, decided they should all nap. Oika took first watch and ignored a lot of sounds from behind the door, except for a couple justice-seeking humans whom she bought off with money from the pile. Beffa took next watch and also ignored sounds from the next room, but couldn't ignore the chilly spirit-sapping humanoid shapes that wafted in under the door and began doing immense damage to the entire party. Fortunately, Makalbly Jane woke up and summoned enough goatitude to send the cold ghosts packing.

Then everyone went back to sleep, because the thing about problems is once you've had one you can be sure you're not going to have another, and definitely not the same exact one an hour later. Some more minor sounds ensued, and then some human-seeming guys showed up looking for a missing wife. Beffa explained that the party did not collect wives, only treasure--indicating the giant pile of coins--but that did not appease the humans. (Well, it might have appeased the one whose wife it wasn't.) Eunice woke up and decided to try some method acting, claiming to be the missing wife. It probably would have worked better had she worn her hat of not looking like Eunice.

At some point the soul-sucking ghosts came back again during the second sleep attempt and MJ Jane turned them even more definitively. After the few people who had managed to sleep woke up, Eunice decided to find out what was inside a pouch she'd been carrying with her for a while. It was a frog (alive). She kissed it and then had to save against poison. Perhaps the frog should have had to save against poison as well.

Awnzo and BMF spent some time strategizing about how to get all the cash out of the cashle. Awnzo proposed a plan involving another dimension that was actually more of a spectral horse. This plan was shelved for the time being, on account of being incomprehensible.

The party set out to find the room with the sleeping woman in it that they had passed through earlier, thinking she might be the missing wife Arlene, who was kidnapped by Baron Strod the Likely Dracula. However, she turned out to be a hapless local whom the Baron had flattered into coming to his castle to audition for his... band? The story seemed even less probable when she favored them with a song. Big Mama Felto went on a real tear here, coaxing the woman into standing in the magical sack that mails stuff to the Lich Bros. while she "auditioned," then declaring her a failure, sending her out of the room in tears, and conveniently freeing up the (10 x 10 foot) bed. Everyone tried again to go to sleep while Awnzo kept watch from under the bed.

A new round of ghostly things showed up. Another battle ensued. Swords swung, bullets slung, spells spelled, darts pitched, etc.

Eunice smashed a window and then exited the room to a battlement outside, but found the window-smashing so satisfying that she turned right around and hurled her 69-year-old person through the rest of the glass at one of the enemies, backstabbing it extremely successfully to death while somehow remaining unharmed. It was frankly pretty hardcore.

With the ghostly things dispatched, Awnzo and BMF returned to the question of how to get a lot of heavy money out of the castle. Makalbly Jane enabled them by suggesting they use the blanket to drag all the coins out of the room, which they immediately set off to do.

Then no enemies appeared, they got all the money, everyone left, and they all lived happily and wealthily ever after.

No, wait: zombies.

Battle, swords, bullets, spells, darts, etc.

The zombies were a real hassle, leaving Eunice unconscious (again) and refusing to turn when Makalbly Jane turned undead (suggesting that they were in fact something much worse and just looked like zombies for fashion reasons). But eventually the party more or less prevailed, decided to quit while they were ahead (alive), and climbed out onto the battlement, only to discover that it was raining. Beffa, ever resourceful (especially if the resource you're hoping for is swords), used the unconscious Eunice as a rainhat.

Probably they're all attempting to sleep out there right now.

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The Worst Party

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